Sweet Spot

I was sitting in class yesterday, listening to my Leadership and Empowerment prof. talk...and I almost started crying...it was overwhelming...the feeling of knowing I was right where I needed to be.

I am in my sweet spot, as referred to by Max Lucado.

That is all for today...but I know Jon as much much more to share...hopefully tomorrow he can get on to blog

Much love,
Emily

Our Sabbath

Oh how I miss church...I never realized that it was a privilege to fellowship with other believers whenever we wanted...on the upside, I have school where I get to fellowship with WONDERFUL people...but the poor hubbs...not so much

Today was great though...no blow-ups...Jon took 3 of the boys grocery shopping and actually had a nice time with them...God knows we can't rest like we used to on our Sabbath...but He knew what we needed to catch a breath before another crazy week rolls around.

Praise be to Him who knows all things and provides for His children.

Money

Our youngsters only get $6 a week for allowance in this program...and yet...they think they earn it through doing their chores...they think they earn it through living

They think money is the motivation for everything...and this is very disheartening for us.

Please pray that our boys begin to encounter God and have a change of heart...we desire so much for God to use us in forming their ideals for something more than selfish "fulfillment".  I have to give praise for them thinking that we are weird and lame...at least they know we are different.

Much love,
Emily

Late Night Snack

We are working as houseparents for an organization that runs a hands-off program.  This means there are no paddlings, no training on take downs or arm bars to restrain angry teenagers.  I can't put them in headlocks and give them noogies until they do what I want them to do.

Our teens CHOOSE this program.  They go before a judge for whatever their offense, and they receive a couple of options.  Most juveniles choose this program over a juvenile detention facility.  They continue to go to school and live in a household like the one Emily and I are parenting.  There is meant to be high structure and high support in every aspect of this program.  Since teens choose this program, failure to follow the rules of the program can lead to discharge of teens.  In other words, if they don't want to fully participate, they can simply go to the juvenile detention facility.

Snore No More

Six teens, three upstairs rooms, two teens to a room.  That is our house.

Having a roommate can be a great thing. Some of my best friends are guys I roomed with in college.

It's Wednesday. This morning one of the teens asked to speak to me alone. We stepped into a hallway where we could talk semi-privately.

"what's up?"

"I want to sleep downstairs on a couch, or I need to change roommates."

"why?"

"I snore. My roommate is always throwing stuff at me to wake me up at night. I'm sick of him throwing stuff at me. I'm sleeping downstairs."

"You know you can't sleep downstairs. Let me talk to him."

After talking to his roommate, who said he was sick of him snoring and that ear plugs or headphones with an ipod would not remedy the situation, i went back to talk with Mr. SnoresALOT.

"Ok Mr. SnoresALOT, you said he throws stuff at you. What is he throwing at you? Socks, shoes? What?"

"Well, I think he his throwing rocks at me."

"Really?! Like pebbles?"

"No, I think they are pretty big rocks. I felt them hit on the top of my head twice last night."

"Really?! Well, let's go upstairs to your room and see if we can find any rocks up there."

After looking around SnoresALOT's bed and the floor of the bedroom, we found one item: A small metal monopoly gamepiece. Could SnoresALOT's roommate really have thrown a metal monopoly gamepiece at his roommate, gotten up out of bed, searched for on the floor in the dark only to throw it again at his snoring roommate?

It's time to bring the roommates together to talk.

Immediately SnoresAlot's roommate comes in with attitude and doesn't want to talk about solutions to the snoring saga.

Roommate: "There is not a solution. I'm just going to keep waking him up. I don't know why we are talking about this. We've already talked about it all before."

"You have? Well, can you tell me what happened in the past? Did you guys come up with a solution?"

SnoresALOT: "We decided to try out earplugs."

"You did. How did that go?"

Roommate: "It didn't work."

"Why not? Were they uncomfortable? Maybe we could try a different pair. Did they fall out of your ears at night? Was he still too loud even though you had earplugs?"

Roommate: "It just didn't work. I don't see why we have to have these stupid circles all the time. We are just wasting time. We've already talked about all this."

"We are circling up to try and figure out how we can solve this snoring issue. Well, where are the earplugs now?"

SnoresALOT already told me that the earplugs worked for a few days, and they didn't have any issues. Then one day he saw his roommate throwing them in the trash.

Roommate: "I don't know where the earplugs are now."

"Are they under your bed? Are they in your covers somewhere? In your dresser?"

Roommate: "I don't know. ok? This is stupid."

"We're just trying to solve this snoring problem. We found this monopoly gamepiece on the floor. Are you sure you didn't throw anything at SnoresALOT last night to wake him up?"

Roommate: "No, I just shake his bed or call out his name or tap him. I didn't throw anything at him."

SnoresALOT a little agitated: "Yes, he did throw something at me. Twice last night I felt something like a rock hit me in the head. I want to sleep downstairs on the couch tonight."

"You have to admit, It is a little strange that he felt something like a rock hit him on the top of his head last night. I don't think he would come to me this morning and tell me that you were throwing stuff at him to wake him up if nothing happened. We went upstairs to look for rocks or something. We found this small metal monopoly gamepiece."

roommate: Prolonged silence.

I could have jumped in and filled the silence, but i wanted to wait for some response from the roommate. The three of us sat in the silence for ten or fifteen seconds.

roommate breaking the silence: "I didn't throw anything at him. I just call his name or shake his bed to wake him up. I don't throw things at him. Why are we even doing this? This is such a waste of time."

"Ok. Well, you know SnoresALOT can't help that he snores. It isn't like he thinks, 'I'm going to annoy my roommate tonight by snoring.' He doesn't do that. He really can't help that he snores."

roommate agitated: "i know."

"Well, you can wake SnoresALOT up, but don't throw anything at him. SnoresALOT, just know that he is going to wake you up sometimes if he can't sleep. You guys both be thinking about possible solutions, and we can circle up the three of us in a couple of days to..."

roommate really annoyed cuts me off: "I'm not circling up again. I'm not. This is stupid. You can do what you want, but I'm not circling up."

Roommate starts to shift in his chair like he's getting ready to leave.

At this point, I know I have to be stern. I have to remind him who is in charge. We tried to talk it out, and SnoresALOT's roommate has not been cooperative at all. He just voiced to us that he doesn't want to cooperate in the future.

Very stern: "Ok, here's the deal."

He stops and sits back down and looks at me like I'm stupid and wasting his time.

Very stern throughout "If SnoresALOT does snore, you can wake him up. You can not wake him up by throwing anything at him. You can call his name, shake his bed, or lightly tap him on the shoulder. Don't tap him on the head, don't punch him.  You can lightly tap him on the shoulder. In a couple of days, I'm going to ask SnoresALOT if you have been throwing stuff at him to wake him up at night. If you have, WE WILL, and YOU WILL be coming together to talk about this again. SnoresALOT, if he throws stuff at you at night, don't wait for me to come and ask you, you come and tell me and we will deal with it. You guys can go get ready for the rest of the day, and roommate, if you need earplugs, you can come and ask me for them."

Roommate has a look of compliance but still a hint of annoyance. He says nothing, he gets up and leaves the room. I explaing to SnoresALOT why he can't sleep downstairs on the couch and remind him to tell me if there are any future issues.

Circle Up 4 Resolution

In our house and as an organization, we come together in a circle to talk about all sorts of things. Sometimes we circle simply to talk about how the day went, or house plans for the evening, or a big event coming up the next week. The purpose of a circle is to give everyone a voice and to place everyone on an even playing field.

We also circle up to work through problems and issues in the home. Our kids are often agitated when this happens. Many come from environments and home lives where you don't talk through problems. They may have years and years of simply ignoring problems, using fists instead of words, or when they do use words, they are hateful, hurtful, and make things worse. So, circling up to talk positively through problems can be frustrating to them because
1) it isn't easy,
2) it takes time,
3) they aren't used to it, and
4) our kids may have to circle up 4 or 5 times some days.

But despite the occasional frustration on a teens part, circles are a great thing. Circles bring accountability, communication, and when used to deal with problems, talking it through can often lead to the solution.